Friday, July 31, 2009

perfect perfect perfect:
although i wish i weren't feeling so ill.

daria used to be my most favorite show as a kid- even though i would have been punished if i ever got caught watching MTV.
my mom was disgusted with all of it all together once she had kids of her own.. ha
props to dad who would supervise my watching. (love you pops)

CHOLE+studs+leather boots= jealous. so amazing.

maybe i've been a little lonely.
but you cure that with a hello.

"if only you could read this"


i was blogging and i came across all of these ads by david lynch, 
which reminded me of someone so i kept on watching one after the other. i was kept entertained then i came across these two. the top being dramatic and ominous and the bottom being quite funny, but only because it reminds me of being with someone- okay NO ONE is going to think this is funny, now im laughing even harder..
see for yourself.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

shut up and listen.

all i have done this afternoon after work:
-look at fashion blogs (rockabilly-classy-vintage)
-listen to swing music from the 20's-40's
-learn how to create a rockabilly hair style (which i have in the bag!!)
-realize that i do in fact want short hair i have pics.
-and realize that the lady who told me i looked like a younger elizabeth taylor was in fact right.
(s t r a n g e)


n a t u r a l
im thinking short and chic.
-but when i go out or get all fancy i'd like it rather large and 40's styled.
straight and sleek on the usual. 
(o p i n i o n ?)  

someone told me i looked like a young Elizabeth Taylor.. 

strange steps

i can talk to you for one minute and forty-seven seconds
 and my whole day can change & get brighter.

i think you don't realize that.
i'm trying to help you see.

. R E A L I Z E . R E A L I Z E . R E A L I Z E .

oh hamburglar how i miss you.

when i was five years old i used to see people
and children-- and -- the hamburglar!
no lie.

i would talk to them.
and my mother would be frightened,  
and tell me to stop and that there was no one there,
but i saw them and i heard them.
they were real.

n i g h t

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Orientation was a bust.
i hated sitting on my ass all day.
i wore leopard print 5 inch heels, black trousers cuffed, an oversized deep purple tee top, a black leather jacket and HUGE oversized chandelier earrings. 
other than that i have had a pretty shitty day- except for gabby and daysha cheering me up before get to rest.

mistakes are possible (right-?)

PS: gabby said something tonight that took me off guard. 
she said: he doesn't realize how much you're into him.
i don't think he realizes that you care so much.

(do i)
(does he)

something to think about.
esp now...



hopefully a mistake.
please let it be a mistake.

Monday, July 27, 2009


"Lovers Dream"
anna ternheim-

Please put me to sleep
If there's room beneath your feet
See, I left my home
I could not get used to living alone

Put me to rest
Lay your head on my chest
Hold my hand
When you leave
Don't wake me up
Just to see how you say goodbye

Maybe I could be yours
Maybe you could be mine
God, I waited so long
Maybe my time has come
To walk by your side

Please put me at ease
Now my soul is ready for peace
Give me the lover's curse
Now I am ready for you
My rebel, my hope

Maybe I could be yours
Maybe you could be mine
God, I waited so long
Maybe my time has come
To walk by your side

Maybe I could be yours
Maybe you could be mine
Maybe I could be yours
God, I waited so long
To walk by your side
God, I waited so long
To walk by your side

a song.


im still totally into you.

don't let other things blind you.

the time came, and she took herself by the hand.
led her body into an unknown universe.
free from doubt and hurt.

she came bearing love and compassion.
she came with her head held high.
her footsteps were the only thing left behind her.
and quickly she began to skip.

the trees spoke sweetly into her ear.
the wind rushed over her body.
and the birds chirped on and on for hours.

it was her heaven.

Sunday, July 26, 2009


let me show you the world

-edited by yours truly.

tonight made me miss you even more.

Thursday, July 23, 2009


O V E R S E X E D 
L E W D 
N A U G H T Y 
H O R N Y  

I V E 
N E V E R 
B E E N 
T H I S 
G I R L . . . 

[so what does that mean i am "right now"?]

but really, 
this is what goes on..
this is truth.
truth i know i have spoken before, 
but truth that maybe someone hasn't understood yet.
therefore i'll speak it again.

im still falling for this boy.
well, this boy is more like a man.
a young man, who holds a piece of my heart.
& i wonder if he knows it?

i wonder, for a second, if he has a clue.
and for moments i thought i didn't know what i wanted.
but i do.

sometimes i get worried, and sometimes i go plumb mad
but i have never cried over not having someone near me
and i do with him. 
never before have i cried because i truly miss someone.

and that someone hasn't even been around enough
and even before we had ever met i cried for him
not for pity 
but for an emotion to show
one that im blinded to.

once in a while, i cry.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

n o t e

this a l o n e thing

{is really getting to me..}
the reason for it is still beyond me..
i wish there was a way to end it.
the solitude.

and by the way (to the boys) who are:
- telling me to send
risque pictures of myself to you
- or asking me out
- or telling me i look nice
-- shut the fuck up--
it is really making you look like an ass. and im not interested.

unless perhaps you're a certain someone.

k e e w w e e k

The time for running away is no longer.

Im not going to keep my mind in constant worry or wonder.
the only reliable thing is question. 
fallacy is nonsense-worry alone is nonsense.

I have had a dream-
a boy and myself-
h a p p y
i n l o v e
without fear
making memories
-all i'm doing now is waiting for what's to come.
dreams are only what i want

this week has been a D R E A M .
this week has been a D R E A M .

these are my friends alex, lindy, and chris.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

w a i t i n g

this has gone on for far to long.
i need an answer


this week alone has probably been the most suspenseful week 
ever. (in my life)

T O D A Y :
morning came and so did the night. 
some pure frightening things have taken place this afternoon.
and i still have goosebumps.
im very worried at the moment of what is to come next.
we shall find out tomorrow.

i need you. 

"later added:"
answer: negative


i n s p i r a t i o n 

i have been in a dark period.
i guess not having someone to run to all the time has changed me and my mind about things.
i love black and grays.
netting is nice and lace, also leather, and useless pieces of fabric. 
i love the get up of it.

(my only wish is H E I G H T.)
im so tiny 5'4.
it's hard to pull off things-well not really. 
but there are things i wish i looked different in / taller in.


Monday, July 13, 2009

secret #398- you disgust me.

did i mention i fucking can't stand you.

there obviously ARE in fact people 
i could live life without have ever knowing.
it sickens me to think this way and to feel this way 
about another human being, but it's how i feel. 
and i don't hold back how i feel.

should i ask for forgiveness for this emotion??
ill let you decide.

this is so appealing to me.

i want this.

Today was a lovely day.

(although it is day 91374 of not having work.)
 im honestly going to be so broke and not be able 
to gather my things for my move in august if this continues.
 Amy comes home tomorrow .. 
so i will talk to her about the other job lined up for me at the casino 
(wish me luck)

other than that,
 today i watched a marathon of the "Golden Girls"
and drove home to clean about the house and organize.
then i took a few snap shots of a vintage dress
i have been meaning to wear.
I lit a few candles and my day was a pretty nice one. 
I was so worn out that i had to take a cat nap 
and now i really would like a cig and a cupcake.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

i'd rather be tied up

t o u n g e - t i e d
i can't even begin. 
(i cannot)
i feel that this is silly.
and juvenile. 


time is of the essence as much as i wish it weren't.
these things might mean nothing or everything to this little ghost.

did i mention i miss a certain someone.

closest to family as you can get.

d a y s h a

s a b r a 

m i r a 

you mean the world to me.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

the ten was a ten.

i was told yesterday that Diane Birch and I share the same style and face. 
she's a gem.


Today was lovely.
i woke up, went thrifting with a girl friend of mine (Rachel) & we both got a trash bag full of goodies.
I only paid 10 dollars and 90 cents for mine, and i got over 10 items!

After thrifting we went out to eat  at one of my favorite restaurants "Casa Manana"  
Then it was time for work.
Work was nice, i put in my two weeks (im scared of what's to come) but i had a great night at the store, much laughter was made between me and lauren. 
After that i changed in the parking lot of our mall and me and Rachel went on our way to Toucans where we watched our friends play a show and
i was blessed with a 21 and up band.
the night was perfect-although i was missing him the whole time in my mind. 
i hope he knows it.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

i count the hours..

l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e 
l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e 
l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e - l o w l i f e 

i have honestly had nothing to do today.
i woke up early got dressed for a call-in (in which i wasn't needed) 
drove back home, stripped out of my clothes and napped for a few more hours.
babysat for an hour or two and took pictures-i take them everyday i swear-it's like a self project.
i don't really know exactly.
i am my own model and i'm easy to work with. 


i was looking online again for
 interior needs and ideas.
i came across a few that i am rather interested in:

something just has to go bad.
i back up into a tree with my cousins tahoe, now i have to pay for a new mirror (j o y)

that's the way of the world.

tonight i was thinking about decor and furniture.
(for a future apt_s o o n)
i stumbled over a website a few years back called: etsy
it is a lovely site filled with handmade art, clothes, vintage, furniture, EVERYTHING.
and as i was looking at fixtures i found these amazing, very odd looking lights.
the effect they portray on walls is perfect.
they are over my price range for now- so i will either learn how to make them, or i will save up.
-but a project sounds much more amusing.

other than that- my cousin and i watched Garden party. I suppose the movie was enjoyable--but the band in the movie sucked and i couldn't hold back my laughter. eep.
i did however hear one of my favorites (Ane Brun) in the back ground of a lesbian bar scene, so now im interested in finding the soundtrack.

it's one oh' seven now..
time for rest.

currently listening to: Earth, Wind, & Fire.

Monday, July 6, 2009

My Rain Really Pours.

so i really have to say it's all just so romantic..

in the depths of my sadness there's a beautiful madness.
when it rains it pours-at least more than yours.

you just don't believe.

for some reason today, i have felt the need to keep quite.
to- - to let my mind wander.
to feel the rain 
to breath the sweet air
to free my day of the "normal".

there are so many things i want.
there are so many things i need.
there also are many things that i cherish.

people and friends i feel i need most- B U T
im not taking part in them (at the moment)
honestly i could care less about some of my "friends" relationship.
-others, i couldn't live without!

this is how i feel...  -i cannot help it.

i want a C O N S T A N T
im not getting that.
im getting a hello and a goodbye

i love with my whole heart.
i care with all my might.
and i do these things fast.
without using my head.
and to me i think that is beautiful,
but to walk over me and to disregard my emotions and feelings...
that is something to think twice about.
im fragile.

but this is just life
and it's livable.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

t e n n e s s e e

i miss this place already.
i also miss the lovely people and souls i found there.
& him...

being away from it is like an open soar.
i'll manage.


Saturday, July 4, 2009

  • i promise to take extra special piggy care of you.
  • i promise to wear my red pumps while baking the love of our life cookies. 
  • i promise to let you run about the living room.
  • i promise to take you for wee piglet walks downtown.
  • i also promise to take many snap shots of you and hang them upon the refrigerator, so you know that you are home of course.

(if i ever had a little pot belly pig these are the things i would vow to)

f o r e i g n lands.

From Here The Earth Seems Farther Away.  
but you-you are blind..

and from beneath me i feel a great difference.
the earth is risen and the path is curved.
the sounds are unheard of and the smell unlike one i am familiar. 
there is light-much light.
honestly, if you want to know what it feels like-open your eyes.

of all the things near and far: 
you are what i want.

p e a c e 
p e a c e 
p e a c e