im just going to wait

o l d s o u l t a l k i n g

"you live the next state over have the reddest lips ever, and er gorgeous. im gonna make a song about a girl like you" 

best thing these ears have heard all year.. intriguing right?

christmas in january

My mom found a HIDDEN christmas present of mine this week

yay for forgetfulness!

your guess is as good as mine.

everyone i know has someone

it's times like this when i realize i am me

even if you don't think or someone else when you think of me

there is no significant other yet

i n d e p e n d e t n t

tahtah

repetitive

i am

NOTE:

i will be off line for a little while AGAIN,

why: well because i have yet to be blessed with a mac book pro charger. and im bringing my friend her charger back right now

she has let me borrow it for a good 32 hours. thank you miss briggs

tomorrow's another day

bliss.

thing: i rarely tell anyone besides Mike (i miss you)

and i certainly don't write it or status it every 10 minutes..

i feel the walls falling down

i know i can't be there for you (or i feel like i can't be there for you) not literally anyways.

i can be here in a form of a voice and a sense of comfort & support from a distance

and even then you rarely use my services

right now im strictly concerned.. yes concerned.. about me.

i can't get over what i don't have anymore

i can't get over the fact that i don't have a few people in my life anymore

and i can't get over the debt that now lays before me.

i really need a light.

forever ago

Conversation on my boobs growing from Birth Control

& me disliking the idea because i liked how they were.

[courtneydawn&dustinross]

via: Facebook Chat.

E N J O Y.

"wait"

i won't leave you without a picture for the night:

i couldn't resist- i want one.

kapeesh

one person in mind.

-

-

and i wish they would just get the hint

s p e a k t h e f u c k u p

alright... it isn't hard

-

-

i'm praying for many things.

[yes, you heard me correctly]

p i n k b o o k s

THIS is the D E C L I N E D purchase...

this is what made me realize-IM FUCKED.

so i bought it with my debit card- thinking this has got to be a sign.

i must read this book and realize agony..

or something..

some kind of emotion.

[another book by James Frey that i have heard great reviews from:

A Million Little Pieces]

i have yet to read it but i feel like purchasing it

so that i can read it FIRST.

anywho- why must i be attracted to Pink books???

my first read this week was:

this was a day and night read for me.

perfect for girls- who need a pinch of designer brand, creativity, & feel better[ness] haha.

i was sick and achey and this little number made me giggle.

***

debt

my new hobby: reading

common side effect: drowsiness

sick with broncidious- or however the hell you spell it.

something is always lurking on me.

so i have been reading!

this week (in one day) i read the book Freak Show by James St. James

absolutely fell in love

first time. and it wasn't even one of those books, it was just a cute book that i was entertained with- plus they used names like Chanel, Mui Mui...

how could i not fall in love with it?

i bought another book today- when my card D E C L I N E D (at books a million) never thought i'd be in there much less get declined there. for a 3 dollar book--- F M L

so back to the debit card NO back to the first job i ever had HOLLISTER AHHHHHHH NO NO NO NO

but i am going to do it. i need money but im still going to look for a GOOD job.

food and beverage... BLAH

so should i just host somewhere?

i think i need to be someones stylist- or makeup artist- or home decorator- or sale seeker for living wants/needs.. ehh ehhh sounds good- but i live in lake charles my services are not really needed

(scrath that, THEY ARE HIGHLY NEEDED) but people here just don't want it.

i'll always be there

it's so tough.
and at times i pity it and just think it's all too much.
i think, i'm to small for a big change, and the change is to big for little me.
l i f e

i've lost a lot this past year.
friends, a job, an income, a home, a lover, an education.
but also, i've gained a lot.
a backbone, a car, character, new friends, a new home life.

although i do realize what i have, figuring out things aren't easy, or always going to go your way is uber hard to take in.

loosing friends i think is one of the hardest things i've had to deal with.
and it's not over...
i mean even if it's only been 2 or 3 it sucks, and even if it isn't loosing them, but loosing touch- THAT in itself is brutal.
i miss the conversations i've had with them, the way i thought they were, and who i thought they were has changed drastically. Silence is not the key people.
it is a murderer or many things.

Not to mention loosing my job.
and still without one
applying for a job in a little town is HARDER THAN YOU THINK
it's been 9 or more weeks now and im still in square one.
going everywhere for a place to work
full time or part time
dirty job or clean job
humiliation and everything that comes with it and i get nothing.
or so far i've gotten nothing.
i can't wait for this all to go away.
and the problem is - i am in denile.


wah.
wah.
wah.


suits me right.
okay- back to listening to classic alternative music for the remander of my hour.
currently listening to: Blind Melon- No Rain

http://pitchfork.com/

you won't be let down.

so its january 14 2010

i am living a life without a computer.

(my charger broke)

(and i still have yet to get a new one)

my life has totally changed...

i mean im still jobless (but im doing alot)

i have washed every article of clothing that i own.

i cleaned my room entirely inside and out.

im doing my roots tonight.

i washed the inside and outside of my car.

and i filed for unemployment.

(should have done that a month ago)

W H O A H

this is hard times.

disgustied.

Okay, Don't even get me started.

i'm so disgusted by the way people act

(esp. F R I E N D S)

g e t_o v e r_y o u r s e l f_m a n

it's like no one knows how to take themselves

it's disturbing that some people

(in their 20's) still don't know who they are

or how a 20 something year old should act

G E T A C L U E

take a note.

good god.

well that's my take on things.

really?

On Facebook:

-i had no idea i had an itch-

but this made my day.

Off to the UPS store to fill out an application

at least it sounds better than Chuckie Cheese or Lowes, RIGHT?

pictures for the new year.

someone from Cali sent me a friend request today.

right off the back started a conversation with me.

i told him all of the things i didn't do.

he told me i must be from Cali because of my style

(LOUISIANA) get it right hah

he told me all of the things he does do.

m u s i c

[of course]

he sent me a link- i like it.

unique.

figured i would have laughed- bites tongue.

LISTEN HERE:

http://www.myspace.com/dancersofdelphi

tell me what you think.

(i'm for one very impressed but don't tell anyone i said that)

Mmmm.

this is appealing to me.

d r e a m e r

i have no doubt in my mind that

this is what my living room/bedroom will end up looking like.

just shit tossed about the walls and table tops.

neat hopefully.

maybe this too.

pops of color but still mainly white.

i'm into it...

but im used to deep dark colors. and jewel tones..

i love the warm homey feel of this.

cozy, clean, rough, rustic.

yet a little but of lux.

no head board?

no problem!

in love.

the reading chair, the library, the assortment of colors.

perfection.

yet i might loose the wheat lighting fixtures.

i thought about doing this for a kitchen once.

then this week i went looking for pots and pans.

never ever would i buy a "cute" pot or pan.

they are cheap as shit.

one bedroom+wall=2 bedroom.

nice setup.

once again im in love with libraries.

pillow gypsy.

that's exactly what i am.

i want a room dedicated to pillows and reading.

open the door and it's just a mass amount of pillows and the walls are a library.

AHHHHHHH

one word: Gimme!

paper lanter: CHECK.

got them already.

still needing that simple table and chairs though..

if you are as obsessed with vintage/busy wallpaper as i am you'll love this.

IDEA

diy project.. now to find the bookshelf.

i'm totally doing this.

no headboard part 2:

this one i like, but at the same time, wouldn't your pillows get stuck

i wouldn't like the disappearing pillow trick at 1 am..

no sir