Monday, January 18, 2010

i'll always be there

it's so tough.
and at times i pity it and just think it's all too much.
i think, i'm to small for a big change, and the change is to big for little me.
l i f e

i've lost a lot this past year.
friends, a job, an income, a home, a lover, an education.
but also, i've gained a lot.
a backbone, a car, character, new friends, a new home life.

although i do realize what i have, figuring out things aren't easy, or always going to go your way is uber hard to take in.

loosing friends i think is one of the hardest things i've had to deal with.
and it's not over...
i mean even if it's only been 2 or 3 it sucks, and even if it isn't loosing them, but loosing touch- THAT in itself is brutal.
i miss the conversations i've had with them, the way i thought they were, and who i thought they were has changed drastically. Silence is not the key people.
it is a murderer or many things.

Not to mention loosing my job.
and still without one
applying for a job in a little town is HARDER THAN YOU THINK
it's been 9 or more weeks now and im still in square one.
going everywhere for a place to work
full time or part time
dirty job or clean job
humiliation and everything that comes with it and i get nothing.
or so far i've gotten nothing.
i can't wait for this all to go away.
and the problem is - i am in denile.


suits me right.
okay- back to listening to classic alternative music for the remander of my hour.
currently listening to: Blind Melon- No Rain

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