eureka

As i lay horizontally in bed at 7am on this lovely Friday morning

i think to myself. "I don't want to be this person."

I don't want to half way live life, to half way walk in a world where possibilities are endless.

I'm blessed, sure. I'm thankful to have people around me at almost every part of the day, and i'm thankful that God made a lovely lady out of me, but what am I doing?

I ask myself this now because I have an amazing 3 bedroom house all to myself for the next week that isn't mine. (i'm house sitting for a friend)

I want this. "I WANT THIS."

i want to live a life of endless possibilities, love, warmth, support, dreams, reality.

We can all have this- IF WE TRY. *something i feel like im not doing...*

i need no pity just P U S H.

i never had that (support or push) so i need it MOST now.

People always ask me what i want to do with my life or what am i doing with my life..

Right now is one of the hardest times i've had to deal with.

I have no job, no money, no one, no school, and no place to call MINE.

what will i be in 5 years or 2 years even?

These days, when i get asked that question i reply, "i want to be happy, if i end up working a shit job to pay bills and come home to someone or something lovely with a smile i'll be at peace, and that's enough for me."

And for the people asking what i want to be when i grow up,

i say: A wonderful, supportive, badass Wife.

now let me shut my eyes to Broken Social Scene.

Goodnight Dreamers.

Latter Post: if this is read as nonsense to you, please excuse me I am in fact writing this at 7 am.. after watching two seasons of Sex and the City: everyone agrees i am Carrie.. 115%

*i'm really to dressed up for bed*

-and i wish you were coming to visit me today...