Friday, December 18, 2009


As i lay horizontally in bed at 7am on this lovely Friday morning
i think to myself. "I don't want to be this person."
I don't want to half way live life, to half way walk in a world where possibilities are endless.
I'm blessed, sure. I'm thankful to have people around me at almost every part of the day, and i'm thankful that God made a lovely lady out of me, but what am I doing?
I ask myself this now because I have an amazing 3 bedroom house all to myself for the next week that isn't mine. (i'm house sitting for a friend)
I want this. "I WANT THIS."

i want to live a life of endless possibilities, love, warmth, support, dreams, reality.
We can all have this- IF WE TRY. *something i feel like im not doing...*
i need no pity just P U S H.
i never had that (support or push) so i need it MOST now.
People always ask me what i want to do with my life or what am i doing with my life..
Right now is one of the hardest times i've had to deal with.
I have no job, no money, no one, no school, and no place to call MINE.
what will i be in 5 years or 2 years even?

These days, when i get asked that question i reply, "i want to be happy, if i end up working a shit job to pay bills and come home to someone or something lovely with a smile i'll be at peace, and that's enough for me."
And for the people asking what i want to be when i grow up,
i say: A wonderful, supportive, badass Wife.

now let me shut my eyes to Broken Social Scene.
Goodnight Dreamers.

Latter Post: if this is read as nonsense to you, please excuse me I am in fact writing this at 7 am.. after watching two seasons of Sex and the City: everyone agrees i am Carrie.. 115%
*i'm really to dressed up for bed*
-and i wish you were coming to visit me today...

1 comment:

  1. Well, for one thing. You sure do have a hell of a way with words, which i dout i will ever get to that level, only hoping.
    Just keep that pretty head up of yours; through God, everything you desire will be handed to you.