Monday, September 7, 2009

mind reader.

im showing complete pity right now.
im ashamed of it but i have to get it off of my chest.

im totally rocking the sad face.
my days seem long yet my time feels short.
october seems to be the month for freedom.
yet i feel like im not even prepared.
and i know that i am not.

i want and long for so much more.
i long for faces and relationship.
yet i am needing to figure out MYSELF.

i am NOT independent.
i hate that i feel like i need someone to hold my hand.
i hate that i never have that- i hate that i dont know where my father is.
i hate that i don't hear from him and i know he is so close.
i don't have support from friends, or family.
and in general i dont even know who my friends and family are.

i feel stuck.
i want to get out.
i feel like i am not being able to do this on my own (in my mind)
i want to SAY that i am capable of anything i put my mind to,
but when no one has words of encouragement how can i believe it.

im destined to do better things.
i want to be the person i don't feel like i can be right now.
i want to be strong
i want to feel love.
i will always support you
i will always show you how i feel.
i want to be shown the same.

i really would like to not worry and trust that everything is going to be okay.
and that October IS IN FACT the RIGHT month of freedom (for me)

(kisses palm of hand and blows a kiss to the sky saying thankyou)

1 comment:

  1. The toughest things to do are always the most important. Desire drives but is lost without direction. Know that you already have more than most, that you show it everyday and that you will always feel some anxiety no matter how well things go. Life is short, the experiences themselves are what matter the most. Soon you'll be closer to where you want to be and these experiences will be but a memory, try not to let them go so fast.....Big J